“[Praise to God for a Living Hope] Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,”- 1 Peter 1:3

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Yesterday was kind of a tough day... The last journal I wrote was a response that I gave to a Christian struggling with sexual identity issues and I can't believe the amount of flack I've received from writing it. But I was so blessed while writing it because I knew that the Holy Spirit was so present in it all, and I was just so filled with joy to cheer a brother/sister on in their struggle... but I can't believe how other people, people who I wasn't even really addressing, have attacked it like a pack of wolves. And what I've noticed is that they aren't even attacking the scripture or the parts that hold a lot of weight, but attacking me personally.

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“Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”- John 3:20-21

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The bridge between saying, "This is my struggle and I urge you to draw close to the Lord for he is holy, and I remind you with this, be encouraged and take heart," to receive such comments as, "Your a child molester in the making," and "You are a self hater, and it's sick," or "You've probably put your faith in a man who isn't as great as everyone has made him out to be." I guess I just don't understand how people are so aggressive in their justification of sin.

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"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." ~ Luke 6:27-28

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I dunno, I've been fighting my want to be really angry and depressed, for you speak truth into someones life and receive the most bitter spirits in return. It makes you think a lot more about what Jesus went through... as well as the Prophets and Disciples.

It hurts a lot to have people tear into your life and touch on subjects that I myself don't even quite understand... My struggle with bisexuality started when I was 5... I don't understand why that was, but I still remember both the drive and the shame even back then. So, I have sympathy with many about questioning how that works, but I don't know either. But just cause something unexplained has happened in my life doesn't make me a liar. Makes me curious about how they would respond if I told them about my encounters with demons and angels would go about... let alone my encounters with the living God himself.

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"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." ~ Hebrews 10:35-36

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In spite of it all, I really am blessed. The Lord knows what's going on inside, and his blood still is covering our sin, forever past, present, and future! Be totally blessed today, for it is a day that the Lord has made especially for us all!

In Christ Jesus,
Matthew Palfenier

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~Rules~

NONE! Because I've descided to gift people with features!

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1. ; [link] / [link] / [link]

For some time now Keith has been a good online bud, and while I know we aren't the closest of online friends, his work is some of the most simple, powerful, and soft-spoken imagery that I know of. His photography is dynamic, sometimes bursting with color, but very gentle in presentation and quite often I find his work emotional, among being spiritual. I guess I would say that his work is "personal," and reflective of something close to home. His digital pieces are also phenomenal... From a technical standpoint, I have had no experience with digital renderings, but from an artists point of view, the layers and unique presentation of his digital works are beautiful and flow with some kind of natural poetry that many artists strive to achieve, but few ever do...

Revelation 12:11 ~ "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death."

2. ; [link] / [link] / [link]

Brenda is a good friend of mine and has the title of "first online friend who I have had the pleasure to meet in real life." Her artwork reminds me a lot of my high school days (all the parts that made high school such a blast for an anime nerd anyway). Her simple anime renderings, among the more rare photo-manipulations or paintings, are full of the ironies and sarcasms of life (along with some much needed fan-mania), making them a joy to experience any day of the week. But among the comedy, every long once in a while you'll come across a small gem of reality. These pieces reflect her beautiful love for Christ, as well as the everyday struggles of a heart longing to be made whole and unified in the eyes of God.

Job 8:21 ~ "He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy."

3. ; [link] / [link] / [link]

Sometimes I'd like to think that I live a pretty transparent life, but when I look at the emotional depth and severity of other Christians transparency, sometimes I'm overwhelmed by how fake I can be. I only came across Kristie's work recently... but her art is so quick to break down the walls that I've been compelled to return and continue to dig deep into her work time and time again. The message is not sugar coated, "We live a broken world and Christ is the savior." Her words accompanying each photo not only aid in furthering this message, but it hones it down into a piercing sword which has the ability to bend and break the soul with each passing moment. I long for my artwork to be as transparent as this, and it is encouraging to see followers of Christ who have such a level of transparency. The broken heart brings purity, and the pure in heart see God.

Isaiah 57:15 ~ "I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite."

4. ; [link] / [link] / [link]

I feel like Alison and I have the same unique passion for nature photography, for it is the greatest testimony to God's creative 'nature' (maybe the pun was intended...? ^_^). Virtually every piece is accompanied by scripture or a biblical principle, which perfectly ties the two into a complete idea. But this is not the only reason as to why I have featured this amazing artist... The other reason is because her photography and compositional skills have improved so much since I started watching her (however long ago), it is breath taking! Out of all the artists that I watch here on dA, I've noticed that her artwork lives and breathes as if it was a living entity... possibly due to the 'nature' (pun?) of her photographs.

Romans 1:20 ~ "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."

5. ; [link] / [link] / [link]

Unlike many of my features so far, I don't know Eikonik at all... but I know that he loves the Lord, has a passion for the tales expressed in scripture, and loves to see the gospel of Jesus spread through clearly depicted images with fantastic technical skill. His art is stylized, has a beautifully textured edge, but remains very true to the essence of all the stories he illustrates. One of the things I admire most about his work, is that he doesn't choose to just illustrate the most popular and well known stories of the Bible, but occasionally I will come across a character who I've never heard of, or a story that I'm not that familiar with, and it will actually peak my curiosity enough to make me go figure out who these people were... almost as if his work calls the viewer to action. And if one's work inspires people to that extent, you have been blessed with something special.

2 Peter 1:16 ~ "We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty."

6. ; [link] / [link] / [link]

I first came across Melanie's art piece, "Be Still, Know That I AM God" and instantly fell in love with her gorgeous watercolor paintings. There is something unique in the way that she paints, and I haven't really been able to put my finger on it yet... Maybe it is her mix of vintage and pop-culture styles that does it for me...? But whatever it is, I really appreciate it. She also has been a wonderful encourager to me in the past, and I feel that it is rare to find people who like to throw up small books of encouragement all over your page! ^_^

Proverbs 4:23 ~ "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

7. ; [link] / [link] / [link]

It seems that there are always exceptions to the rule, and E-R-R-O-R seems to break as many as he can get away with. I've always appreciated artists who come to the open canvas after seeing the world in a totally different way... then to be able to put it down in a fashion that actually seem coherent, as incoherent as their subjects may appear. Whenever I look into this oddly strange, beautiful, slightly grotesque, but still identifiable world, I feel like I'm looking through a filter labeled, "child's imagination." For it is just like a child to see what is unseen in the things that are actually visible (what a statement... ^0^)... And I thought I was out of the box...

Hebrews 11:1 ~ "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

8. ; [link] / [link] / [link]

I sometimes think that the power of paintings is unchallenged by the other mediums. I'm not sure what it is about them that captivates me, but looking through Judylee's gallery has been a pleasure to say the least. Each painting just grows on you, and each painting you see becomes a little bit more refined technically the the last... I'm so captivated by some that I can't even seem to find the words to describe them... And it takes a lot for me to be speechless...

Psalm 46:10 ~ "Be still, and know that I am God."

9. ; [link] / [link] / [link]

Though I'm not a huge fan of poetry, I've been following Sephanie's work for quite some time now. In the time I've known Steph we've engaged in some amazingly tough conversations concerning that strange thing called life, and that has made the pleasure of seeing her poetry flourish so much more rewarding. If I could sum up her art, it might sound like this: "word painting is just a necessity of life." Her poetry is raw, rough, pure in concept, and amazingly executed. It's full of real heart and emotions collected through years of real live experience... and it has really challenged me as an artist.

Psalm 19:3-5 ~ "There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun, which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a champion rejoicing to run his course."

10. ; [link] / [link] / [link]

Sometimes the persons artwork is just the crest of a wave in the middle of a very deep ocean... but it is not till you get beyond what they do that you get to see the depth of what is really there. Her piece "Trust and Wait" pulled me in. "Ecclesiastes 3:11" was the only words in the artists comments... I felt the tug on my heart and I went to look up the verse, and what power I discovered was there within the scripture her piece had led me to. To ponder on those words... I could sit here all day and wrestle with it, never coming a step closer to understanding the weight of eternity or the grandeur of a Holy God. Thank you very much Magnonettes for pricking my heart, and turning my once again misguided attention to where it needs to be.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 ~ "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”- Matthew 5:11-12

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The scenario was concerning a Christian believer who is struggling with sexual identity issues. They were met with many responses from non-Christians, Christians spreading false doctrine, as well as some good encouragement. I wrote my first response as a letter of encouragement for them to continue to draw near to Christ and keep walking on the narrow road. I got a response from a different person addressing my opinion, and finally there is my rebuke and encouragement to both (and especially believers).

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My first response:

Take the narrow road and never settle for less.

I've struggled with being bisexual/homosexual for 17 years, and it has never proved to be worth the trouble of going with what I feel (I've lived it, experienced all it has to offer, and the result was a truckload of pain in exchange for a moment of pleasure). I believe that God has a lot of things to say about sexuality in his Word, and though I'm only 22, God has spoken to me about this issue many times, and it's my personal conviction that acting upon it greatly impacts my relationship with my Dad (Jesus Christ).

I just want to encourage you on in your walk with Jesus Christ (assuming you know him), and not seek earthly wisdom from people who are bound to point you in the direction of the world and its earthly desires...

Christ asks us, out of our love for him, to die to ourselves and live as a living sacrifice... which is not an easy road, nor is it for the faint of heart. Though I must admit, your faith in Christ alone is what saves you. Regardless of your conviction about such subjects, the power that is found in the blood of Jesus Christ is able to change things that you may feel cannot be changed. But remember, the Lord fearfully and wonderfully made you, knitting together your inmost being... He knew you before the creation of the world.

Run to Christ and don't look back... Seek out Jesus and the Kingdom of Heaven first and changes will come...

In Christ Jesus (... "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.")
Matthew Palfenier

~~~ BE ENCOURAGED!!! ~~~

Matthew 5:8 - “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”

Matthew 7:13-14 - "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

John 10:10 - “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Philippians 4:8 - “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

1 John 4:4 - “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”

Hebrews 2:18 - “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”

Galatians 6:1 - “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”

Ephesians 5:1-12 - "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them."

Leviticus 18:22 and 24-29 - “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.' ... 'Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. But you must keep my decrees and my laws. The native-born and the aliens living among you must not do any of these detestable things, for all these things were done by the people who lived in the land before you, and the land became defiled. And if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you. Everyone who does any of these detestable things—such persons must be cut off from their people. Keep my requirements and do not follow any of the detestable customs that were practiced before you came and do not defile yourselves with them. I am the LORD your God.' "

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Regarding this section of what I wrote:

“Regardless of your conviction about such subjects, the power that is found in
the blood of Jesus Christ is able to change things that you may feel cannot be
changed.”

Response:
Which doesn't include your sexuality. You may feel like a self-hater and that's all fine and dandy if you want to live your life that way. But don't spread lies. I've known many people in the "ex-gay" programs...and they tell me it's lies.

M. M.

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My second response:

Let me make myself clear... I do not ever want give false testimony about the Power of Christ in my own life. Christ has done miraculous things in my life, continues to do amazing things, and it had nothing to do with "ex-gay" or "12 step programs." My journey has been strictly personal, between Jehovah-Hashopet (Lord my Judge; for he does judge his own household first) and myself, and I seek out God and his holy ways alone... Yes, there are others who have come along side me in my walk with Christ, but they only aid me in the direction I want to go, which is accordance with God's will.

I don't believe I've ever mentioned anything about "self hating." I go with what the Bible teaches and I hold true to that alone. I actually love Christ, and myself believe it or not, enough to have a desire to rid myself of all the things that don't line up with who he is... I get tired of "christians" running around spreading false doctrine saying, "Because we live in a grace period we can openly live like demons 6 out of the 7 days of the week, then go to church on Sunday, give God 1 hour of my life, and I still will be saved." It's ridiculous. Jesus even says that one day there will be emphatic "christians" who miss his coming, and they will run to the door and say, "Sir! Sir! Let us in!" and he will say, "Surely I tell you the truth, I never knew you. Now depart from me."

It makes me so sad and almost angry to see such spineless believism. The Prophets and Disciples were martyred for their faith, and for speaking the Truth. They literally gave up every aspect of their lives to follow Jesus Christ (who was bold enough to be tortured and die, alone, abandoned, betrayed, and belittled by men who thought they knew better than God), and I don't see this and my life any differently. It's just one more thing I can happily give up for my King... Is it easy, absolutely not. Is it fun, no. Do I still struggle all the time with the temptations, absolutely, but can I overcome it?

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I (Jesus) have overcome the world." - John 16:33

"This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God." - 1 John 5:3-5

I have nothing against people who struggle and fight with their sin, or non-believers who are involved with the sin (for my wish is that they come to Christ Jesus and know his ways first), but "christians," true blood bought believers, shame on you if you think that you can be a child of God and live like a follower of Satan. I don't care what area of your life it is... Sexuality, gossip, slander, murder with the tongue, envy, strife, greed, jealousy, addictions, pornography, lust, anger, gluttony, religion, playing devil's advocate, etc...

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin — because anyone who has died has been freed from sin." - Romans 6:1-7

I stand by my conviction and by God's Holy Infallible Word. And I continue to encourage other believers to do the same... For it is a narrow road that leads to life, and only a few find it. (Only to followers of Christ) If you are a blood bought believer, and you support ungodly actions, you will be held responsible. I too will be held responsible for what I say and do not... my actions and conduct alike. But the truth is the truth and I will encourage those who are seeking truth to search long and hard, with discerning eyes, so that they are not deceived by empty words.

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?" - Romans 8:31

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." ~ Hebrews 10:35-36

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"The Light"
Lyrics by Brandon Heath
Choreography by Chara Christian Dance Company

[link]

Verse 1:
The hand that feeds the fire
The lips that taste the smoke
All together once again
The moon that hangs so pale
The dark that makes you choke
Comes to cover you again

Verse 2:
The will that knows no end
The eyes that see your heart
Come to look on you once more
The word that shakes the ground
The voice that clams the sea
Stands knocking at your door

Chorus:
Stay close you people with your broken hearts
I stand before you as a witness
Hold tight to the man that stands in front of you
As we move toward the light

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I am constantly amazed by how faithful God is through our times of doubt and weakness. His love, the love of Jesus Christ that was displayed before all men on the cross of Calvary never quits, never tires, never weakens, and never fails. The perfect love of Jesus drives out all fear indeed, for his love, his passion, is the purest water we can ever drink from... 1 Corinthians has it better than anything I could ever come up with:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Over the past few weeks I have noticed a severe increase in the spiritual warfare in my own personal life, as well as the lives of those around me, and it's often disconcerting to me. As I observe my life and ask the Spirit to reveal the faults of my life, he is never slow or late to hold up the mirror showing me who it is I really am... and sometimes I buckle under the weight of what I see. The demons who stand by and watch then seize their opportunity to shove my face in my shame and guilt till I'm absolutely immobile and useless for the Kingdom of God. Idols, impurity, bitterness, hatred, greed, resentment, thievery, infidelity, gossip, slander, pride... the list continues to grow...

But in spite of my failings, God has been calling me home like he has always been faithful to do. For I am a stupid, hard-headed, and hard-hearted sheep who has wandered away from the narrow path, and he as my Good Shepherd, has come for me... Praise be to the God on High! Despite my tragedy, the glory of the Lord continues to shine through, and I wish to give him the praise that he deserves! I desire to be made clean again... I'm saddened when my flesh cries out with anguish, to the world which the Spirit so longs to distance itself from, yet my Spirit longs to draw near to God and his glorious presence. I'm torn... broken... God, my Abba Father, make me whole.

I know, and I believe he's quick to answer...

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"Warfare"
by Ingredients Christian Dance Company

[link]

Scriptures:
"For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that creation will be liberated from it's bondage (to the King) and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God! In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! For I have overcome the world. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? Put on the full armor of God. For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of sound mind. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God!

The kingdom of heaven has suffered violence, and the violent take it by force.

Death, confusion, fear, division, insecurity, sickness, fallacy, incidents, belief, religion, loneliness, discouragement, hurting nations, views of perfection, oppression, pride, chaos, uncertainty, jealousy, divorce, gluttony, greed, lust, envy, unforgiveness, hatred, generational curses, defeat...

Things of this world."

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“Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”- John 3:20-21

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For every believer, their life is their ministry, and my page here on dA is very much included and a large part of my personal calling... Because of this, I have a responsibility to be open, real, and transparent with all who come in contact with it. When my relationship with God is not right, Gods Holy Spirit cannot work the way it can as when I am right with him... and I'm trying to make things right before him, but before my brothers and sisters as well.

Jesus and his Gospel is the most valuable thing we have. For a while, I've lost sight of the goal... but I hope to refocus my everything on Jesus Christ who is my rock.

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If you are a follower of Christ Jesus, and are struggling, be encouraged! You are not alone in your walk, your struggle, to God's Kingdom. I know that Jesus is alive and well, and he is continuing to fight for your heart... and my heart. If he was bold enough to die for us, it's the least that we can do to be bold for him.

If you are not, this is the great news! Jesus was bold enough to die on the cross, alone, abandoned, broken, betrayed, and without cause, so that you may have life and have it to the full! He took your sin, took it upon himself, and defeated death so that we can have fellowship with the One True God! Even if you never accept it, he still died for you, and he wants to know you.

"BUT I HAVE RAISED YOU UP for this very purpose, THAT I MIGHT SHOW YOU MY POWER, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."
~ Exodus 9:16

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Over the past few weeks, there has been a common message being spoken to me. Lord, Jehovah God, the King, the Master, the Lamb that was Slain... He alone has the POWER! His WILL is SOVEREIGN! He has a MISSION! And he wants each and every single person to come to him in awestruck wonder, because he has revealed the Mystery to us. Incredible...

I've never been much of a person who saw a whole lot of value in the rhetorical practice of legalistic praying... So, the "Lord's Prayer" has never particularly interested me. It is so casually quoted by both Christians and non-Christians all over our country, and across the world, that it has lost some of its absolute majesty in the grander scheme of things.

In meditating on this passage, there is so much to ponder... so much that my mind is unable to grasp. Some things seem so simple, and some things really challenge my faith... but it is so undeniably POWERFUL that I felt compelled to write about it.

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The Lord’s Prayer

"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but DELIVER US FROM THE EVIL ONE." [For thine is the KINGDOM, the POWER, and the GLORY, FOR EVER AND EVER, AMEN.]
~ Matthew 6:9-13

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"Our Father..."

Coming out of a broken home, the search for a father figure has been incredibly important. My earthly Dad, whom I now (with the help of Jesus) am learning to value and see for the God-given gift that he is, was somewhat absent in my life growing up. I got to see him from time to time, but that male role model was missing for the better part of my childhood (I hold no bitterness towards his absence and I forgive him whole heatedly in the name of Jesus Christ)... I missed having him for the little things, for those times where I feel that it really would have mattered to have him around. In those times, when I felt that I had no one to go out before me and lead, when there was no one to help me pick up the pieces, when I was lost and couldn't find my way home, when I was crushed by the demons and evil spirits, or lying on the floor at the foot of a bed where I had given myself away to a man whom I should have never given my all too... that is really when my Abba Father stepped in. He did show up and go out before me as my Jehovah-Nissi (Lord my Banner), he was there to help me pick up the pieces as Jehovah-Rophe (Lord my Healer), he was there to lead me home as Jehovah-Rohi (Lord my Shepherd), he was their to protect me from the Evil One's army as Jehovah-Magen (Lord my Shield), Jehovah-Gador Milchamah (Lord my Might in Battle), and Jehovah-Ma'oz (Lord my Fortress), and he was there with me at my all time low beckoning me to come back to him as Jehovah-M'gaddishcem (Lord my Sanctifier). My Abba Father, my Dad who is above all things was with me through it all... and continues to be my Father today as Jehovah-Shammah (Lord Present).

I love my earthly dad, I always will. There is nothing he can do to harm me; nothing he can do will ever make me stop loving him, because my Heavenly Father is by my side.

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“… in heaven…”

“In the beginning God created the HEAVENS and the earth.”
~ Genesis 1:1

Have you ever thought of the absolute grandeur of those first ten words? How big is this God we worship? None of us can comprehend… He is omnipotent (unlimited in his POWER), omnipresent (everywhere at the same time), omniscient (all knowing), omnificent (all creative and able to fix that which needs fixing), and he resides in a very special place where his glory shines for eternity!

So many of us long for Heaven, and I think both Christians and non-Christians, have a built in desire to be with the Lord (we were made to glorify Him after all). I have been watching the anime Wolf’s Rain recently, and I could not stop thinking about this search for heaven as I’ve been going through the series. The story is build on a pack of wolves and their search for "paradise." Many along their journey have searched for this transcendent plane, but just like the ‘narrow gate,’ few are able to find it (Matthew 7:13-14). This appetite is further explored in a new book that one of my friends has recommended for me to read… it is called “The Final Quest.” The series of three books journaling one man’s (Rick Joyner) visionary encounters with God in Heaven… this passage was highlighted by the time I got the book from my friend:

“You have tasted of the heavenly realm, and no one ever wants to go back to the battle once they do. No one ever wants to leave the manifest presence of the Lord. After the Apostle Paul came here, he struggled for the rest of his life as to whether he should continue to labor for the sake of the church or return here to enter into his inheritance. His inheritance was magnified the longer he stayed and served on earth. Now that you have the heart of a true worshiper, you will always want to be here, and you can, whenever you enter into true worship. The more focused you are on Him, the more glory you will see, regardless of where you are.”

Oh my goodness!!! How POWERFUL!!! And how amazingly true! I know those times when my heart is totally opened up to the Holy Spirit in worship I feel like I can be ruptured on the spot… how I long for that! I know that inside my spirit there is this deep longing to go be in the presence of the Lord, away from the sin, this body of death… I want to gaze upon the presence of the Lord, falling over as if dead every time (like John when he had his vision of the Lord in Revelation 1:17). Which sounds hilarious, but it is the total and honest truth!

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"... hallowed be your name..."

When I was taking this photo, I was in awe of the strength that God has woven into his creation (Jehovah-Bara or Lord Creator). These leaves are a dark, dark, dark, almost black color on top, but from underneath... Reds, oranges, yellows, greens, and many other colors burn with radiance in the light of the sun! What a testament to his creativity and infinitely perfect passion for detail (What an analogy for what our Christian walk is like; as sinful beings which are evil, yet, when the Son shines through we burst into color that steals the world’s breath away!). I remember thinking, “How almost deceptive that tree was…” But I know that God had a specific purpose in mind when he created that tree: to have that tree scream, “Glory, glory, glory is the Lord God Almighty!”

And with everything I have I want to scream that as well! Praise, honor, and all glory are unto Jesus Christ the redeemer of the lost souls!

(This is also why I find taking photography of natural creation so fulfilling. It’s all about capturing a fraction of God’s creation and honing in people’s focus on that one little detail… Nature continues to be more impressive than anything man can dish out any day, and rightfully so.)

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“…your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

"BY THE POWER OF YOUR ARM they will be as still as a stone— until your people pass by, O LORD, until the people you BOUGHT pass by. You will bring them in and plant them on the mountain of your inheritance— the place, O LORD, YOU MADE FOR YOUR DWELLING, the sanctuary, O Lord, YOUR HANDS ESTABLISHED."
~ Exodus 15:16 and 17

There is so much I want to say in this section… I’m not entirely sure where to begin.

While I was writing out the section on “… in heaven…” I had a thought come to mind that I never really got to express there (but easily fits here), and it is this: It is absolutely possible for us to experience the literal place of heaven while here on earth, here and right now. If my mind could only comprehend that… because on the one hand I know I have experienced this, on the other hand I don’t think I can correctly communicate what it is like and have that explanation do the experience justice.

I think this blows my mind because as a whole, let us face it, the earth is not even close to heaven. God reigns supreme in heaven! But here on earth there is a battle between the powers of God and his heavenly host, and the powers of Satan and his army of spirits and demons. You want to talk about warfare… I can’t imagine what goes on behind the scenes in the spiritual world. Though, I’ve seen enough to last a lifetime, and I would like to think that what I have experienced is minor in comparison to the whole picture.

When it comes to spiritual warfare, especially when it came to my seasons of enduring demonic oppression, I often thought of this passage:

“When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city.
"Oh, my lord, what shall we do?" the servant asked.
"DON’T BE AFRAID," the prophet answered. "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them." And Elisha prayed, "O LORD, open his eyes so he may see." Then the LORD opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the HILLS FULL OF HORSES AND CHARIOTS OF FIRE ALL AROUND Elisha.”
~ 2 Kings 6:15-17

What really is beyond what we see? I know I have briefly spoken of these demonic portions of my testimony in the past, but I think that as a Christian, you must acknowledge the fact that we are in the middle of a grand battle.

But you know what the really cool thing is? It’s all part of God’s overarching story and plan. That is why this is one of my favorite sections of this prayer, because it clearly reiterates a promise that we find all through scripture: God is absolutely sovereign and has ultimate POWER to carry out his pleasing and perfect will, and not only will he do so, but he will do so before all men, all creation, before the enemy and his heavenly host. He will carry his will out to completion so that all of existing creation will do nothing but acknowledge that there is but ONE GOD!!!

It just continues to take my breath away… There is so much peace in knowing that victory will come to those who love the Lord, and that his plan will be completed in the end. Especially, since the world we live in is starting to get more and more corrupt each and every day. The Christian faith is starting to be weeded out of all culture… Christian brothers and sisters around the world are being martyred for their faith, while many men are being deceived into the lies that kings of nations are gods, and that salvation is found within the governments of the world. The love of money and material things blinds them from seeking ABSOLUTE TRUTH. Men sacrifice their relationships with their wives to chase empty dreams… Women leave behind broken and dead children in the wake of their inconvenient pregnancies… Children have no foundation for anything, and they spread hate and death like a plague across the lands… People preach peace but practice the art of shaming and robbing… Thievery is no further than any one person’s fingertips than murderous slander is from one’s own tongue. Yet even this, is in accordance to God’s will.

“Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, HE GAVE THEM OVER TO A DEPRAVED MIND, to do what ought not to be done. They have become FILLED with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.”
~ Romans 1:28-32

This I don’t understand… God, you eternally love, yet through scripture you are also ETERNALLY WRATHFUL! You HATE that which is not of you… and many will receive their due penalty for their wickedness… It brings a fear and sadness to my heart that I cannot even express. I know as a sinner I deserve total separation from you. But you made redemption PART OF YOUR PLAN! Why? Why are we so important to you, when all of your creation obeys your every command and does not turn its back on you? Why do not all men reach out and take it hold of salvation? Own it? Why do they hate you so? If it was not for Jesus Christ, I would not be alive… And you know that about me. You know that sin, open and willful defiance is still a part of my life… And every time I harbor bitterness, look at pornography, take something that isn’t rightfully mine, not speak up, or not reach out when you call me to I’m re-nailing your precious Holy Son to the tree!!! Driving spike after spike through his hands and feet, ripping his flesh and tearing at his hair… why on hearth are we so important to you???

Why include us in your plan? I don’t have an answer… but you chose to…

And I submit to your will, so that your will may be done on this earth as it is being done in heaven. So that you may somehow use me, use us; use whatever you have to, to carry out what you wish.

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“Give us today our daily bread.”

At this point, I must confess, I’m not so much thinking about the bread we eat (our daily sustenance), or even much about being fed spiritually through scripture… the Bread is Christ’s body… Ripped, mutilated… What Jesus had to endure on our behalf is insanity…

Today, give us a reminder of what the broken bread symbolizes, LEST WE FORGET THE PROMISE THAT JESUS CHRIST HAS ALREADY FULFILLED, AND WILL FULLFIL FOR ALL ETERNITY. Bearing the wounds, our sins and trespasses, he hangs from that tree with JOY!

“LET US FIX OUR EYES ON JESUS, the author and perfecter of our faith, WHO FOR THE JOY SET BEFORE HIM ENDURED THE CROSS, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
~ Hebrews 12:2

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“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

I think, for many people, that taking scripture and applying it to ones own life is incredibly difficult. It’s very easy to see how it should impact others (to point out the ‘speck of dust in your brother’s eye,’ like in Matthew 7:3-5), but often it doesn’t seem to work that way when we attempt to put our foot down and change our individual lives.

Over the past few years, my live has been in a constant period of refinement that has not slowed down… The process of dealing with the core roots and issues in my life has been a real walk of faith, and is often very much a painful process to endure (but God has brought me this far and I expect him to continue in the future). One of the biggest roots to be uncovered was my un-forgiveness towards myself for my shortcomings, which was born out of the lies of Satan… sewn in very discretely through my growing up experience.

The first seed to be sewn by Satan was when my parents divorced. He actually made me believe that it was because of something I did, EVIL JERK! He told me that if I worked hard enough, that I would be able to earn my dad back, and time after time, I failed to bring him home. What a burden for such a small child to endure… To be given the responsibility to bring home the head of the household… May Jehovah have his way with Satan for his treachery!!!

But that was just the beginning… I grew up in everything “arts” you could possibly do. Theatre, choral music, painting, drawing, photography, dance, playing the violin, etc… and the world’s message is this when it comes to the arts realm: THE QUALITY OF YOUR PERFORMANCE, or work, DIRECTLY DEFINES YOUR WORTH AS A PERSON. You are no greater than the sum of applauds you receive and the praise that you get… And as an artist, if you hear that message long enough, it can destroy how you view yourself as a person. Similar to the sports realm and pop culture of today, the message is get to the top. Be the number one! Outside, I was the best at everything I put my mind to, and I never bothered with the things I knew I would fail at… cause it was all about me being on top. Unfortunately, the inside of me was longing for normalcy, to be the one who was nothing special.

On top of that, Satan used both little boys and grown men to instill doubts about my role as a man. It seemed that their goal in life was to take their cheap shots and humiliate me publicly every chance they got. I was ridiculed for being weak, for being emotional, and for not being of a competitive spirit. Completely denying the kind of strength it takes for a person to endure such opposition day in and out.
“Are you gay?” they asked repeatedly.
“Are you a boy or a girl?” those little children inquired of me.
I can still hear one of my seventh grade teachers saying, “You are a stupid, emotional choice maker, and you are never going to go anywhere in your life.” It’s amazing how words so strong can resonate years after they are said.

Anyway, last summer, my pastor’s wife gave me a book to read. It is called, “A More Excellent Way” by Henry Wright, and the book focuses the scientific study on spiritual healing, and how we may be free of strongholds in many different aspects of life, but mostly when it comes to illness and disease.

There is a passage that talks about what happens when a person cannot love himself or herself, as well as what happens when we are unable to forgive others. And this is where I was at a year ago (Also I just wanted to mention that it has been my experience that un-forgiveness towards self or others can have tremendous effects on the body. I went through a spell of extreme illnesses that have now been healed because of my un-forgiveness… But now that I am learning to forgive, these strongholds have disappeared entirely, or are receding as time goes on.):

“I think that sometimes we create theologies based on our lack of knowledge. The beginning of all healing of spiritually rooted diseases begins when you make your peace with God, and accept His love once and for all, accepting yourself and accepting others. … If you do not love yourself, you cannot love your neighbor. You may pretend you do. If you do not love yourself, then you cannot love your neighbor, because you are unable to receive their love. PEOPLE’S INABILITY TO GIVE AND RECEIVE LOVE TODAY IS A TRAGEDY.”

Forgiveness is so important. It’s so important to understand that as Christians (and maybe you’re not one yet still reading this) we are called to forgive. Forgive one another for our faults, misdeeds, and mistakes, because we are all broken, incomplete, and faulty (though through Jesus Christ we are made whole).

I want to end this thought with a few things. The first is that, I’m very passionate about my testimony and the things that have occurred during my short, almost, twenty-two years of living. I have no regrets of what I have endured, and to the best of my ability I try to forgive and keep on forgiving those who have wronged me. I don’t know why God has allowed me to endure so much, but I know he has done so for his purposes and his glory alone.

Second of all, the section that immediately follows the Lord’s Prayer, there is a very real and somewhat scary challenge to Christians. I believe that scripture is inherent and is literal in all its aspects (though I admit that I do not understand many large portions of scripture and have to lean on faith alone rather than explanation). I don’t know why, but many Christians will teach the first half of this and stray away from teaching the second. This is one of those challenges that you have to go before God himself and let him lead you… because there are consequences for disobedience, and here the consequences are steep.

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. BUT IF YOU DO NOT forgive men their sins, YOUR FATHER WILL NOT FORGIVE YOUR SINS.”
~ Matthew 6:14 and 15

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“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”

Technically, this is the end of the prayer as it is seen in the bible. The, “For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, for ever and ever, amen,” was added later, and I feel simply reiterates exactly what the prayer is about in it’s essence. In the bible it moves directly into verses 14 and 15 (as seen above) to end this section on prayer.

This last portion is also a huge section.

I think that this particular line speaks to the heart about many different things. The first of which is that there seems to be a misconception about God, and that he tempts us into sin. I guess I’ve never really thought about it before, but that is really a blasphemous statement to make… God is everything sin is not. We, as humans, have free will and it is because WE SIN that breaks our relationship with Holy God. So, to say that God has the capacity to do that which is wicked, would mean that we have a fallen god, who fell short of his own standard, or that he does not exist at all. But HE IS STILL AND ABSOLUETLY HOLY.

I think that it is interesting then that this phrase starts off the way it does. I feel like it is almost like when Abraham was pleading for the people in Sodom (Genesis 18). God heard Abraham’s cries because he was burdened for the people there, and he didn’t want to see Lord’s destruction come to them. I think that Abraham, VERY HUMBLY, was testing out God’s character. He wanted to know that the Lord was going to follow through with what he said he would… and I get that same vibe here. LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, YOU ARE HOLY AND WITHOUT FAULT, DON’T LEAD US INTO SOMETHING THAT CONTRADICTS THE VARY NATURE OF WHO YOU ARE. WE DEPEND ON YOU TO BE ETERNALLY CONSISTANT, FOR IF YOU FALL OUR BELIEVES ARE IN VAIN.

Jehovah-Mephalti means Lord my Deliverer… Through my life, my short life, I have seen God deliver me from many things, but I have seen him deliver many others from even greater and more distressing things, and it serves at a testament to Jehovah’s awesome POWER!

The enemy, the fallen angels of Satan, Satan himself, cannot steal us away from the love of God.

I LOVE THIS VERSE SO MUCH:

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in CHRIST JESUS our Lord.”
~ Romans 8:38-39

What an incredibly promise!!! … I actually do not have the words to express this concept………………… You are the great I AM, and YOU ARE OUR DELIVERER FROM EVIL.

As we patiently wait and seek the return of your Son, Jesus Christ, we continue to engage the enemy in battle, heads held high, the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20) in full use, always pushing forward in perseverance towards the goal.

“Therefore, SINCE WE ARE SURROUNDED BY SUCH A GREAT CLOUD OF WITNESSESS, let us THROW OFF EVERTYHING THAT HINDERS and THE SIN that so easily entangles, AND LET US RUN WITH PERSERVERANCE the race marked out for us. LET US FIX OUR EYES ON JESUS, the author and perfecter of our faith, who FOR THE JOY set before him ENDURED THE CROSS, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, SO THAT YOU WILL NOT GROW WEARY AND LOSE HEART”
~Hebrews 12:1-3

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I feel that there is so much more to say; yet I know I am incapable to speak further… All my words have been spent, but I know and believe whole heartedly that God will fill in these holes as time goes on… turning this random and abrupt ending into something glorifying to himself!

GOD, MY ABBA FATHER, WHAT TREASURES ARE HIDDEN IN THIS PRAYER!!!

The following is a very deep and personal look into my testimony and why I believe what I do when it comes to sexual identity issues... This letter was written to a friend of mine who asked why it is that I view my struggle with bisexuality as a "stronghold," rather than just embracing it as a part of my life and going with the flow.


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Sorry, for not replying sooner. It has been quite some time since I've logged in on here, and only got this message a few days ago but have been pretty busy with things (being the end of the year and mother's day etc)...

And this question is not too personal at all. I wouldn't post it if it were something I minded talking about. Just a warning, this is a very complicated issue with many, many, many angles to which to approach it, and because of that, I probably will be addressing multiple issues all within the same lines of thought at a time. So, just know that there may be parts of this that aren't very clear.

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Well, to answer your questions as fully as I can, you have to know a little more about me and where I have been in my past, as well as what it is that I believe.

I was very young when I started to realize that I had this tendency to like men. It goes back to the age of five for me... a relatively young age for anyone to start thinking about their sexuality in my opinion, but it was a particularly traumatic time in my life where my parents divorced and my father walked out on our family. This also is a critical age for children to grow their relationships with their parents, which greatly influences their moral system and how they develop identity roles.

There are many theories as to why people turn out they way they do, and while many people believe (specifically the Christian subculture) that people choose (100% of the time) to engage in the lifestyle. For instance that they are all straight and then randomly one day wake up wanting to be gay, but the truth is that not everyone chooses to have the tendency / natural bent toward it. Though, I agree that the choice does come with wither or not the person fallows through with their feelings / convictions or not.

For many, like in my situation, I believe the bent was created through the rejection of men in my life. Though I do not remember when the actual thought process came into play... I wanted to know that I could be valued and accepted, loved by men, and the easiest way to do that is through physicality. If they physically abused me it seemed appropriate to communicate my emotions on a physical level too.

Unfortunately, on an emotional level, I have a very hard time connecting and letting men into my world because I don't trust them, but I, more in the past than now, attribute pain to be the cause for my attraction to men. Women are the opposite. Emotionally, it takes no effort to connect with them, but I have a hard time being physically involved with them.

Anyways, another huge component to the issue, at least in my case (and I believe to be in many men's cases period), is pornography. Up until recent years, all pornography was geared for and by men. Obviously the women are generally what men are lusting over, but it is not without company of men. For many probably don't think about it much, but not only are you taking in the imagery of the female, but the male as well. My father was the one who introduced me to pornography, and while originally there were no men, men got introduced as I became more and more addicted (just like any gateway drug). The need for women quickly became boring and / or didn't interest me as much, because I had love from them. I either needed to see men and women together or just men, because I was seeking acceptance from them and had very few of them in my life.

It didn't take very long of doing my own searching to find that the act of just men wasn't enough, but that it interested me to see men involved with other men because I was a male seeking love from men.

While each of these, rejection of men and the introduction of pornography, had major influences on the outlook I had with men, but the most fundamental root, rejection, was still the main culprit.

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Secondly, I am a person of faith, who believes that Jesus Christ is the one and only way through whom one may receive salvation. I believe that the Bible is the inherent, God-breathed, special revelation that God gave us, so that we may have a chance to commune with him in a relationship within the Godhead. I will be the first to admit that I have an incredibly hard time following even the most basic of commands that God has instilled for his people. But I whole-heartedly believe that as a follower of Jesus Christ, that I have been called to live by a much higher standard, so that others may to believe and see the power that is within the blood of Jesus Christ.

Many believe that the Bible has nothing to say about homosexuality, or really anything about living a pure lifestyle that holy and pleasing before God. And I have no idea as where that kind of thinking comes from… especially since purity is one the most common subjects talked about.

Matthew 5:8 - “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”

There are two major passages that come to mind in scripture that specifically deal with sexual purity and mentions homosexual activity. The first is in Leviticus chapter 18, which specifically deals with the rules and regulations that God set for his people concerning sexual relations. Now at this point in time, God had just freed the Israelites from their slavery in Egypt, using Moses and Aaron. As you probably know, Egyptian society was plagued with pagan worship and false gods. The Israelites had been enslaved long enough to have adopted pagan practices into their own culture. The problem with this is that God desires to be worshipped alone, and once the people were free from Egypt they made idols, like Baal (the cow god), to worship rather than praise Jehovah God, the one true LORD for their rescue. It was at this time that God gave Moses the Ten Commandments and all the regulations that his people are to live by as a holy people. It is in this section that this rule is found.

There is an introduction from verses 1 through 5.
Verses 6 through 20 deals with how sexual relations are to be dealt within families.
Verse 21 specifically singles out the Egyptian practice of sacrificing children to Molech.
Leviticus 18:22 - “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.”
While verse 23 follows up with the perversions of having sexual relations with animals.
Verses 24 through 30 make the conclusion, which states: “Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. But you must keep my decrees and my laws. The native-born and the aliens living among you must not do any of these detestable things, for all these things were done by the people who lived in the land before you, and the land became defiled. And if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you.

"'Everyone who does any of these detestable things—such persons must be cut off from their people. Keep my requirements and do not follow any of the detestable customs that were practiced before you came and do not defile yourselves with them. I am the LORD your God.’”

Many people argue that this verses context is only applied to the specific time and culture… but I disagree. The Bible as a whole has practical applications for today, the right here and now. The Bible is very clear that sexual relations is ONLY for those who are married, and that marriage is between one man and one woman. Everything else outside of that covenant is detestable, and un-holy, and though our culture is completely trying to re-write that, you can be sure that God will not stand for this type of defiance. This is one reason why I don’t support the practice regardless of it being practice within marriage or not.

The second passage that specifically talks about this type of behavior and the devastating effects it has on people is in Romans 1. Now while this passage does talk about homosexuality, it is true that there is more being said here than just, homosexuality is wrong and unpleasing to God. But it actually speaks a whole lot more about the human condition of total depravity, and how man is constantly exchanging his relationship with a Holy and Powerful God for ridiculous pleasures of the flesh.

Verses 18 through 20 talks about how there is a delusion among men that God is not real and does not reveal anything about his plans and desires for his people. This short introduction for this section specifically addresses the fact that men blind themselves from a God who has and continues to reveal himself to them. And this is what you find when reading this passage, men are easily deceived and the punishment for turning their back on a Holy God is sometimes letting them succumb to their desires.

“The wrath of God is (“Is” being a very key word) being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.”

Verse 21 through the rest of the chapter…

“For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.”

There are many things I could speak about here… and I’m actually not entirely sure where to begin, but I want to give control over to the Holy Spirit, so that what is said is said in the most clear way possible.

I think that one of the most incredible thing about this, is that is shows how just God is. The greatest case of tough love you will ever find. Repeatedly, over and over again throughout the Bible people forget God, and exchange the Truth for lies… and like a great father, God disciplines them. Sometimes by letting them get what they deserve. And I know from personal experience, that God allowed this to happen to me, so that I may draw closer to him, and live a life that is glorifying to him.

For a very long time, I desired (with a burning lust) to have a relationship with another man, and I didn’t care about the consequences. I just sat and waited for an opportunity to come along… and eventually he did. Going against everything that I had grown up with, all the knowledge that I had gained from the teaching my mom had instituted in me, I got involved. And God let me go, knowing what the outcome would be… a whole lot of pain (for not just me, but many others as well), many sleepless nights of self-hatred and loathing, and unbearable shame… above all else, shame.

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I guess I want to take a moment and say that, while much of this has to do with being sexually impure, it equally deals with what happens in the mind as well. God will hand you over to your reprobate thinking if you don’t turn from it eventually. And I think that it brings God a lot of pain to have to resort to that as his final attempt to get a person or persons to come back to him. But he will do whatever it takes to bring you back… Sadly, many are destroyed in the process…

Matthew 7:13-14 - "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

I must say, if you have managed to read this far into this letter, I hope you are starting to see that there is a lot more going on than just someone’s supposed preference for a particular sex. Especially when dealing with issues such as sexuality, one has to remember that it is not nearly as simple as compartmentalizing it to its own category. It directly affects how I play out the rest of my life, it affects how I relate to people around me, how I go about raising my family, how I see myself as a person, and my relationship with a Holy God who despises sin.

I must say, I have strong feeling about this issue because I have been there, and I know of many who are experiencing this with me… but very much are on their own journeys at the same time. A very lonely journey… I can’t tell you how many people I have talked to, who wish that they didn’t struggle and have to fight with the pain that comes with this kind of stronghold, and it is precisely why I call it a stronghold. My heart bleeds for those who feel that it is just a part of who they are, and see no hope of ever being something different, because it is a lie that if you have a natural tendency toward something, that that defines who you are. God calls people to something greater than that.

I’ve talked with a lot of Christians who struggle and hate this part of themselves because they know it is in direct defiance to God, and I have talked to many people, both Christians and non-Christians, who openly accept it as a part of their lives, engaging in what it has to offer, and consequently are absolutely miserable. I know there are others who engage in it and enjoy it, but for the most part, there are more people looking for a way out than are willing to accept it as a part of their life. I see what happens behind the scenes, a God given gift that allows me insight on people’s lives, and I am drawn to people who have issues such as this to that I may encourage them, and hopefully see them delivered from it. Through the blood of Jesus Christ, who died for each and every single one of us.

I’ve taken several days to put this together… and I hope that it is a complete answer. At least, one that is as complete as I can give at this point… It is really hard because this stronghold affects so much… and those who go through it, need all the encouragement and prayer as they can get.

With much love, prayer, and research,
Matthew Palfenier

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John 10:10 - “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Philippians 4:8 - “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

1 John 4:4 - “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”

Hebrews 2:18 - “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”

Galatians 6:1 - “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”

Ephesians 5:3-4 - “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.”